Petrea nó Cereus, Second of Cereus House, entered the salon at Heliotrope and took a seat at the small table that was laid out with tea and small snacks. As Petrea sat, she realized that she had never been to Heliotrope House and wondered how, in her many years as a Servant of the Night Court, that was possible. She ran through the catalog of Houses and considered how many others she had not visited and frowned. While there were many she did not visit as a patron or guest, certainly she should have been to each on occasion in her role as Second, but that was not true. Had she been so consumed with her own life at Cereus, first as an adept and then as Second that she had neglected to meet with other leaders of the Night Court. Well, that would need to be resolved, and quickly. Or was it a waste of time?
Vouloir came around the corner taking in the appearance of the Cereus Second. Pale, beautiful, the standard for her House: exhausted, frayed at the ends, the stress she was living with unraveling that beauty before its time. Loir cleared her throat and nodded, “Petrea nó Cereus, the adepts indicated you’d arrived. I am Vouloir, one of the Seconds here at Heliotrope, you may call me Loir. Our Dowayne will see you in her private Salon.”
She led Petrea through the halls towards the back stairs, “We’ve not seen you since the Wedding. How have you been faring?”
“As well as can be expected, I suppose. What with the new babe, the business of the House…” Petrea trailed off, her mind clearly elsewhere.
Loir pushed open a half-open door and gestured for Petrea to go in ahead of her. She smiled at the other woman and said, “It was wonderful to meet you in person and not at an event. We should become friends if you’re not busy. Our Dowayne will be right in.”
Petrea sat for a moment before she heard Mena in the hallway say, “Make it very clear that he is no longer welcome here.” There was an inaudible response, and Mena made a sound of annoyance. “Yes, I know he won’t take it well, but he’ll have to. I’ve already filed it with the City Guards. Now shoo, I have company.”
Mena came in with a smile, “Petrea, it’s wonderful to see you.” She leaned over and gave Petrea a kiss of greeting. While they did not know each other well, the two had socialized a few times. Petrea held a fondness for Mena and made a mental note to invite Mena to her own home.
“Thank you for inviting me,” Petrea replied. “I was just thinking that I have taken the time to get to know the other Dowaynes and Seconds as well as I should, so this is a wonderful opportunity for me to do that.” She chuckled. “I suppose that I have been overly busy these past months. What with the babe and all.”
Mena nodded with a light chuckle and gestured for Petrea to sit down. “I am sure. Between the surprise child and the other, also unexpected situations, I’ve barely known my head from a melon these last days.”
“As do I. I will admit, I was surprised by your invitation. Pleased, but somewhat surprised.” Petrea sighed, her eyes trailing about the room, her smile rueful. “I confess it is a relief to leave Cereus House, if for only an afternoon. Ever since Patroclus arrived, it has been beyond chaos there.”
Mena laughed. “Babes bring so much chaos for beings so small! Even if we think that we and the House are prepared, we never are. You’re welcome here anytime you need some peace.”
Petrea brushed an errant lock of hair out of her face. She took a small sip of tea before setting the cup down and reaching for a pastry. Her fingers hovered over one, then moved to another, and another, before dropping her hand back into her lap. It appeared almost as though the simple act of choosing a bit of food was too much.
“Our cook makes many of these here so I know which ones are the best,” Mena said as she placed some pieces on Petrea’s plate. “Well, best to me anyway.”
She took a bite of her own favorite, filled with a sweetened and smoothed paste of an imported nut. As she chewed, she watched Petrea. She looked pale and utterly exhausted, which was to be expected since she was a Cereus. What was intriguing to Mena was underlying tension and panic at the corners of her eyes and in her movements.
“How are you finding him, Patroclus was it? I remember you were very concerned about your Dowayne and the child,” she asked very mildly.
“Oh yes, now that Patroclus has arrived, I realize how…ridiculous perhaps…I was. Those last weeks of Aliks’s laying in were more overwhelming than anything I have ever felt. Especially with her mother present.” Petrea huffed a laugh. “I think between the two of us hovering like haunting ghosts, had Aliks not been ordered to stay abed, she would have fled the House. But, in the end, all was well with the birth.” Petrea shrugged and looked again at the pastries.
Mena laughed quietly. “I think you’ll be readily forgiven. After all, it was a lot to have thrust on you, particularly given the other high-stakes things happening at the same time. And it was the first for either of you.”
She sat quietly for a moment. “Forgive me if I overstep, but you don’t seem happy. Normally births bring so much happiness to the House, along with their chaos, of course. And yet you seem—” She looked Petrea over “—downtrodden is the word that comes to mind. There’s more to it, isn’t there?”
Petrea hesitated. She wondered how much she should confide in Mena. She knew that Mena had been thrust into the position of Dowayne unexpectedly. Perhaps she would understand? Petrea cleared her throat and began slowly. “Aliks has taken back some of her work, but the day to day operations still fall to Aimee and me. I think that Aliks believes she is handling many things, but truly she is not. She is signing contracts, yes, but she is merely a signatory. We are asking her to make decisions about household business, but we are carefully phrasing things in such a way that she does not understand that the decision has already been made and that her opinion is meaningless. She is consumed by Patroclus. And, I suppose, as well she should be, as a new mother.” Petrea cleared her throat and met Mena’s gaze. “Mena, I have seen the amount of time and attention he requires. I do not begrudge a child his mother, by any means. But she is exhausted. He keeps her up all hours of the day and night. He needs every moment of her attention. Aimee and I are worried. We are concerned about the number of weeks, nay, months, or even—dare I say, years—that it could take before Aliks is able to return to her full duties.”
Mena thought for a long minute before speaking. “You are right, it is customary for a new babe to take up all of their parents’ time. Ideally, the parents divide it, though one of their mothers, a sibling, a friend, or even a fellow member of the House, helps them. Normally, I’d say to find her a wet nurse or at least a Novice to help her, but I get the feeling that’s not what’s really bothering you.
Petrea folded her hands in her lap and looked down. “I…if I may confide in you, privately between us.” She hesitated for a long moment. Mena gave her a gentle look, encouraging her to continue. “Mena, I never sought a position in the Night Court. I was content to be an adept, to take patrons, be one of many. But, Aliks has dreamed of being Dowayne for as long as I have known her—since we were but children. And I would do anything for her. And that includes being dragged along to be her Second. And while being Aliks’s Second does not make me terribly unhappy, I do not share her joy of leadership and responsibility. I am fine to stand in her shadow, to handle business behind the scenes while she attends to all of the public functions and handles the public—” Petrea waved her hand in a helpless gesture “—everything else, but that is where it ends for me. When she retires, I have no intention—none—of stepping into her shoes. I will not become Dowayne of Cereus House. I cannot do it. I don’t have the stomach for it.”
Her face fell then, an air of sadness in her composure. “But I thought we had years. Years to train someone else, years to get the House used to the idea, years before I had to confess this to Aliks…But with the pregnancy and the arrival of Patroculs, I have been thrust into the de facto role I never desired, that was not my choice. I had to tell her. And I think it broke her heart. Elua knows, it broke my heart to tell her. But I had to. Aliks never spoke to me about her desire to have a child with Waldemar. We never discussed what might happen if she did this. What would happen to me. And perhaps it is selfish to ask Aliks to make such decisions based on my, but…is it really so much to ask that she take into consideration the thoughts and feelings of her Second? Of her best friend? Of someone she loves? Of someone whose very position in life could hang in the balance? And…I…I fear that I will be forced to become someone I am not. Something that I am not.” She shook her head. “Aliks is a Dowayne, Mena. I am not.”
Mena felt her heart sink with Petrea’s words. When the other woman had finished, Mena set her cup down and reached across the table for Petrea’s hands.
“Oh, my darling. I am so sorry. The things we do in the name of Love.”
“I do love Aliks so. I always have, and I always will. But for that love, I fear I have sacrificed a piece of myself. For her. For her ambitions. And I am lost now.”
Mena squeezed Petrea’s hands, “We know more than most about that sacrifice here. Why don’t you stay a while, talk with my adepts, find comfort and peace with us? Stay and rest your heart with us. I’ll send one of the children over to Cereus to let them know where you are.”
Petrea nodded. “I would appreciate that. You are kind to offer me such.”
“We’re glad to have you. And if you’d like, I can introduce you to our adepts, perhaps—”
Petrea interrupted her in a rush. “Mena, if I tell you something, may I trust that it stays between us? Only us? Please? I find myself feeling I can trust you. That you might understand.”
There was something desperate in Petrea’s eyes, and Mena found herself agreeing immediately.
“Of course, nothing said here leaves here. “
Petrea could not meet Mena’s gaze as she spoke, her voice no more than a whisper. “I have decided that I will be stepping down after the Longest Night. I will plan the Midwinter Masque and assist Aimee with transition, but come spring, I will no longer be the Second of Cereus House.”
Mena’s eyes widened for a moment before her face softened. “Oh Petrea. You must have been unhappy for so very much longer than this babe and his turmoil.”
“I have thought long about this over many sleepless months.” Tears sprung to Petrea’s eyes, and her voice quivered. “I know that I am throwing a boulder into a pond, and the waves may flood the shores. But, Mena, I must do this, or I fear I will drown.”