Manuel had spent the past months in the company of the Dauphin and his retinue and felt himself growing more comfortable with the other men. Less an outsider than he had when he was first tasked with guarding the Prince, yet still not a close companion. Their actions showed a measure of trust, one that he had worked tirelessly to earn. He knew that the next year would be a difficult one for all of them as Gustav came closer to his coronation, and he knew that the small circle would be invaluable to the Dauphin. There were so many aspects of being a ruler for which the Prince was prepared, and yet so many others where he still needed the support of those closest to him. Manuel hoped that he could be marked as part of that group. He prayed to Cassiel that he would have the strength to help guide and assist his charge. That Gustav would see him as a trusted compatriot, a shoulder to lean on in times of need.
Not that it would be easy for either of them. For all of his life, Gustav had been a second son. One year of playing Dauphin did not make him feel in any way ready for the crown.
“How do you do it?” Gustav sat in his chair at the desk in his personal study, having long foregone focusing on the work before him and rather studying the Cassiline standing at rest by the door.
“Do what, Your Highness?”
“Maintain such…composure.” Gustav leaned back in his seat. “My life is in your hands, you have taken me as a charge and have sworn to defend me with your life. Do the teachings of Cassiel give you such confidence in who you are? Your strengths and your place?”
Manuel barely blinked before responding. “They do, my lord. My Cassiline training prepared me to be exactly who I am. I know exactly my place and my position. And this gives me, as you say, confidence. I have spent my years preparing to become the man you see before you.” He paused then, thinking on how to give speech to his thoughts. “I do, as I think all men do, have my times of doubt, of questioning. I felt called to the Brotherhood. To protect and serve, in Cassiel’s name. And yet…there are those quiet moments when I wonder if I am worthy of such a title: Cassiline. It carries great weight. Great responsibility. But it is in those moments when I turn to the Perfect Companion, to remember that it is my duty to strive for the perfection of Cassiel, to remember that I am not him. I remember that I am a Cassiline Brother, and not Cassiel himself. Remembering that I am imperfect allows me to have the confidence to be who I am. To know my place, both here at your side and in the greater world.”
Gustav let out a low groan, pressing the heels of his hands to his eyes as he all but slouched in his seat. “I envy you that. It seems I am surrounded by people full of confidence and purpose while I am…”
His hands draped away from his face as he looked at the high ceiling of the room, tracing the line of the vaulted support beams, murmured, “I am not the grand ship, steady and sure, that my brother was. I am only a small fishing vessel, lost in the vast sea.”
“Sounds to me like you need to find your Navigator’s star,” Manuel said, his wrists crossed easily before him as he watched the young man. “Cassiel and his teachings are my way. Where is your guiding star?”
Gustav’s face softened, his head lolling to the side to look out the window to his left, his gaze tracing the skyline of the city beyond. “I don’t know…”
“I don’t think that’s true, Your Highness,” Manuel said, his voice gentle.
The color rose slightly in Gustav’s cheeks, and he let out a small, nervous laugh before sighing. “Alright, I have never been a good liar. Yes, I know the star in my sky. I have not been able to stop thinking about her since I saw her for the first time. I wrote to her while I was at University in Siovale, our correspondence never failed to bring light when I needed it. And when I think on her, there is a warmth in my chest that I know is Naamah’s blessing of…well, I am not so much of a romantic that I will entertain that word. But she…”
He let out another sigh, this one heavier and more weary. “I know it will only cause trouble, for both of us, but I find myself desperately praying that my feelings are not false and, even more impossibly, that she might return them. It could not be so terrible, to love her? She’s a Dahlia, isn’t she? And so very smart and grounded…she could be a valuable advisor, if they let me have her.”
For all that their world lived under the sacred precept of love as thou wilt, he was not so naïve as to think he could enjoy the same freedom of his heart that the rest of the country did. He was to be king. The desires of a king’s heart came second to the needs of the crown and kingdom.
Manuel studied him for a long moment. The kind of love that Gustav was just starting to feel was one that he would never have for himself. For certain, he was a child of the Night Court, but his path was that of a Cassiline Brother; romantic love had no place in his heart. But there was a kindness that he could offer, that only he could offer, that could help the Dauphin face the year head.
“Your Highness,” Manuel said. “You know that I do not attend festivities on the Longest Night, instead maintaining Cassiel’s Vigil. Although there is always that small part of me that would love to engage in the revelry, a night of prayer and reflection has never failed to leave me satisfied and…sated…in a way that the excesses of the Night Court cannot. If you would so choose, it would be my honor to have you join me in my vigil. Perhaps you would find, come morning, that the Perfect Companion grants you guidance, if even in some small measure, to serve your country and people in more perfect measure.”
Gustav looked at him, Courcel blue eyes taking in the sight of the Cassiline and the generosity of what he offered.
“Thank you, Manuel,” Gustav said quietly. “I think…I think I would like that.”